


Holy Roleplaying Time Lords, Batman!

by MemoryDragon



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Batman - Freeform, Crack, Extreme Crack, Humor, KA-POW, M/M, PWP, Roleplay, The Author Regrets Everything, The Doctor wants to play with his gadgets, The Master just wants to get on with it, b_e anon fill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-06
Updated: 2011-09-06
Packaged: 2017-11-18 03:22:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/556331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MemoryDragon/pseuds/MemoryDragon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Doctor and the Master settle in for a bit of roleplaying.  Or they would do, if the Doctor would stop being distracted by the gadgets.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Holy Roleplaying Time Lords, Batman!

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer:** I do not own Doctor Who, nor do I make any claim to.  
>  **Warnings:** Extreme crack, and a bit of oral. Did I mention extreme crack?  
>  **Original Prompt:** _Batman!Doctor/Joker!Master. AU, them roleplaying, they're fob watched, I don't care, someone please write this._  
>  **Notes:** Written for the best_enemies anon kink meme. I can't believe I'm admitting I wrote this...  
>  **Thanks:** Many thanks to narwhale_callin for betaing this and then reccing it. I'm still not sure I want to claim this one, but at least someone likes it. -_-;;;
> 
>  **Originally Posted:** Sep. 6, 2011

The Master paced impatiently as the Doctor huddled over some bat-shaped object. "Are you done yet?" he asked. The make-up on his face was feeling heavier than he thought it would, and he rather wanted to get on with it. Next time they roleplayed, the Master was going to think of something with less make-up. 

He pouted at the Doctor. Then he remembered too late that the smile painted on his face effectively nulled any other expression and sighed. 

The Doctor didn't look up. The Master had admittedly been happily occupied staring at the Doctor's costume for a good while, and letting him work on 'part of the act' hadn't been that much of a bother. Really, the Master needed to come up with more reasons to get the Doctor into tights and spandex. Even with this regeneration of the Doctor being too skinny for his own good, the Master wasn't going to complain about the view. Except the Doctor had pushed his cowl off and ruined the effect, his normally mussed hair even more wild than usual and his blackened eyes looked strange without the mask.

"I said, are you done yet?" the Master asked again, this time in the Doctor's ear. He came up behind the Doctor, moving his hands down the Doctor's well-toned and perfectly showcased thighs while rubbing against that lovely rear. 

He got a bat to the nose and a slap to the wrist for his efforts. The Doctor pouted and said, "I'm not Batman without the gadgets and gizmos and things. You have to wait."

Note to self: Next time, pick a super hero with less gadgets and gizmos and things. He'd forgotten to take into account how much the Doctor liked fiddling with gizmos. The Master scowled as he rubbed his nose, wondering if this was really worth the trouble. "What are you making, anyway?"

"A batarang!" the Doctor pronounced proudly, holding up the slightly misshapen bat. "Batman never goes anywhere without one."

The batarang didn't look at all close to being finished. In fact, the Master doubted it would work even when it was completed. "We could use our imaginations?" he asked hopefully, wanting to get on to the sex bits of this fantasy. "You're supposed to be wearing your cowl," he added.

"It gets in the way when I'm trying to work. And it wouldn't be the same," the Doctor said with a sniff. He ran his fingers through his hair, which the Master privately suspected was the real reason the cowl had come off. 

The Doctor started filing the object again, much to the Master's impatience. "Why Batman?" the Doctor asked, hoping to distract the Master while he worked. "He's so dark and broody. That's not me at all. I mean, Superman, I could see, but Batman..."

"No, you never guilt trip yourself into dark, brooding moods, do you?" the Master said sarcastically. "And he's hot." He grinned, a motion that he had practiced in the mirror for an hour after putting the make-up on to make sure it got the full, creepy effect. Except the Doctor wasn't paying attention again. "I can think of a few places to shove that batarang if you don't hurry up." 

"I was considering making one a vibrator, but the shape is a bit odd," the Doctor said thoughtfully, nonplussed by the sarcasm or the threat. "Why the Joker for you then? I'd have thought you were more the Harvey Dent or Scarecrow type. Actually, what am I thinking? You're the Riddler all over."

"Harvey Dent had half his face burned off with acid," the Master responded. Two Face had been his second choice, but the make-up for that one wasn't worth it for just a sex roleplay. The Riddler would have been interesting, but his outfit was more ridiculous than the Master cared for. Way too many question marks, which were more the Doctor's territory of bad fashion. "Jim Carrey is why I'm not the Riddler, and I'm not wearing a bag over my head for Scarecrow when you're wearing tights." 

The Doctor spared him a look of exasperation before turning back to the batarang. "Why so serious?" the Master asked, trying to ease the Doctor into the part. Perhaps if he just started, the Doctor would follow along.

That got the Doctor to actually look at him and the Master grinned... until he realized the Doctor was growing more and more disappointed the more he took in the Master's costume. "The Heath Ledger Joker?" the Doctor asked with a heartsbroken sigh.

"What's wrong with that Joker?" He _liked_ that Joker. If the Doctor wanted Jack Nicholson, the Master was going to protest. 

"I liked Mark Hamill," the Doctor said mournfully.

"Luke Skywalker?" the Maser asked, now thoroughly confused.

"From the cartoon Batman! The cartoon was brilliant! I thought you liked cartoons. He played the Joker in it."

Thinking back to what he had seen of the cartoon, the Master found he couldn't reconcile Luke Skywalker to the Joker. He tried, blinked a few times, and then closed his gaping mouth. He could think about that later. "You like the cartoon Batman?"

"Who doesn't?" the Doctor said. "It's where we got Harley Quinn! And it was either that or the Adam West version, which I didn't think you'd go for."

Even with this regeneration of the Doctor's ability to angst, the Master should have realized the Doctor would like the less dark Dark Knight. At least the Doctor wasn't railing him for not recognizing which Batman he'd based his costume off of. 

This was all wearing the Master's patience a bit too thin; he was short enough of that virtue as it was in this regeneration. "I'll know for next time," he said, stilling the Doctor's hands and pushing him against the desk. He got up into the Doctor's face, smiling the grin he had perfected. "Why don't you let me tell you a joke?"

"This isn't even believable," the Doctor said, pushing the Master away. "What hero has an affair with their arch nemesis?"

"Have you looked in the mirror recently?" the Master asked, hurt by the implication.

"Weeeeell, that's different," the Doctor said, reaching out and toying with the Master's wig. "The truth is always stranger than fiction. The thing is, it's just not the sort of thing comic book heroes do! Well, there was Catwoman. She doesn't count though, since she wasn't really evil or an arch nemesis. And X-Men, but that's Marvel. But if you're looking for someone Batman would sleep with, you'll have better luck with Catwoman or Robin." 

The Master rolled his eyes once he realized the Doctor was babbling a half apology. There was no way in hell he was going to play the Doctor's _sidekick_ , so Robin was right out. "Would you rather I put on a cat suit?"

"Now that you mention it-"

"Next time," the Master cut him off, moving in again for a teasing kiss. "Are we going to get started or do I have to get out the laughing gas aphrodisiac?"

"To the Batmobile then!" the Doctor said. He grabbed the Master's hand and pulled, expecting to drag the Master out of the room.

The Master planted his feet on the ground. "You don't have a Batmobile," he said, really hoping he was right. There was roleplaying and then there was nerddom, and a real Batmobile was taking things too far. He also refused to let the chameleon circuit of the TARDIS be fixed just for that. If the Doctor wouldn't let her have some dignity, the Master would.

"Nope," the Doctor said, popping the 'p' with a grin that was completely unlike Batman. "But I reckon Bessie will work just as well."

Sex in Bessie? They hadn't done that in ages. His rapidly attending cock approved of this. "That works for me," he said, realizing a second before he licked his lips that it wouldn't be a good idea with all the make-up he was wearing. The Master walked forward, and this time he was the one that was dragging the Doctor. 

Except now the Doctor wasn't moving. Or rather, he was, but once the Master got ahead of him, he slipped a handcuff around the Master's wrist and moved behind the Master's back. The Master's other hand was chained in the manner of a criminal before he could make sense of the tightness around his wrists. 

"Ka-pow!" the Doctor said in the absence of visual sound effects. 

It hurt a little, having his wrists behind his back, but the handcuffs were leather and not overly tight. It was the sort of pain he was willing to put up with so long as the sex was good. However, this wasn't part of what they'd talked about when they had started this roleplay. "What are you doing?" the Master asked, steel settling into his voice. 

"The Good Guys always win," the Doctor said, coming around in front of the Master to push him against the wall.

Again, his arms pinned behind his back were more than a bit uncomfortable, but now the Master was almost past 'caring' and edging more towards 'starting to like it.' He was far more turned on by this than he ought to be. "Your point?" the Master asked, gasping as the Doctor bit at his ear.

"Mm-hm-mh" the Doctor replied as he sucked on the Master's ear lobe. Any thought the Master had of telling him not to talk with his mouth full was blown away as the Doctor's hands reached down his trousers. Pulling back, the Doctor grinned. "And the winner - who is always the Good Guy, mind - always chooses how the sex goes."

"Who made that rule up? It sucks," the Master said, despite having no intention of stopping him if the Doctor was going to keep this up. The Master was definitely insisting on roleplaying more often. 

"That was the general idea," the Doctor whispered in his ear.

He practically bucked forward as the Doctor freed his cock. The Doctor then got to his tights-clad knees and gave the Master a teasing lick. "I am vengeance," he said with a grin, not putting any effort into actually sounding like Batman, and he kissed the Master's cock. "I am the night." 

"The joke's on you," the Master said, biting his lip to keep back a moan as the Doctor started in earnest. "This is _not_ my worst nightmare."

~FIN~

**Author's Note:**

> Mem: *dies of embarrassment* Why did I write this? 
> 
> Quotes of the fic: (from the cartoon, cause the cartoon really is awesome)
> 
> Batman: "Justice will be served, Joker."  
> Joker: "Service with a smile?" _He tosses a razor card at Batman. Batman dodges it just in time._  
>  Batman: "Clean up your act, Joker."  
> Joker: "Oh, that's a joke, right? Batman finally told a joke!"
> 
> "Without Batman, crime has no punchline."  
> -The Joker


End file.
